Jerry Tlap loved prank calls. He loved making funny jokes and he was never afraid of the consequences. Come to think of it, he wasn't scared… period. He was brave and courageous.
This particular night, he had a really funny joke.
"Ya," he said in teenage-girl MTV don't-pollute-the-air us-against-the-world voice to the man at Pizza Hut, "We would, like, have, like, two pizzas, and, like, totally love some, like, uh...like... some pep-er-oni and, like, ham.”
"No sardines, 'cause, like, I hate those. Oh, and do you serve, like, goat meat, because I, like, love goat meat, like, like, soooooooo much."
The man on the other line said, "No, we don't." He actually BELIEVED it.
"Ooooooh," gushed Jerry. "Then, like, could we have some silk toilet covers?"
Click. Dead. The line was dead.
Jerry snickered and chuckled. He called his friend Bart.
"Yeah, uh, is this Bart?" he said in a country accent.
"Yes, Jerry," Bart said. Jerry could imagine him rolling his eyes.
"Bart, can I come over?" Jerry begged.
There was a long sigh down the phone line.
"I--I'm not sure, Jerry." Jerry scowled.
"Well, my mom says you're a little. . .loud. . .and annoying."
Jerry cursed under his breath? He was loud and annoying? Rude.
"I didn't want to tell you this, Jerry, but my mom thinks you're a tad. . ."
"Annoying?!" Jerry interrupted.
Bart sighed again.
"She says you're not welcome."
Jerry immediately hung up. He WAS going to Bart's house. Who cared about his mom? Jerry jumped up out of bed and grabbed his cell phone.
"I'm goin' out, Mom?" he called.
His mom yelled back, "Okay!"
Jerry walked down the street and knocked on Bart's door.
"Yes?" Bart said, when he abruptly opened the door.
"Why does your mom hate me?" he asked.
Bart sighed once again.
"She hates your prank calls. In fact, I hear she's going to give YOU a prank call soon, and a scary one," Bart said.
"Bartholemu Henry Trackson!" screamed Bart's mom, "Are you talking to Jerry?"
"No, mom!" Bart bellowed back.
He snuck inside with Jerry and closed the door to his room.
"You're mom is so mean," whispered Jerry.
Bart's faced turned lava-red.
"Whaddya mean?!!?" he whisper-shouted.
Jerry was very obnoxious. "Let me repeat. Y--yooor m-mom iiiiss meeeeeeeaaan. Clear enough?"
Bart cracked his knuckles.
"Crystal," he said and knocked Jerry Tlap down with his fist. Jerry got up and struck Bart across the face. They continued to slap and hit and bite and scratch until Jerry stood up, bruised and bleeding, and ran out the bedroom door.
Mrs. Trackson saw him as he sprinted to the front door. "YOU'RE HERE?!" she shrieked.
Jerry said unprintable obscenities, venting his anger. He then escaped out the door.
As he walked along the street, Jerry mumbled, "I'll get other friends."
People stormed through his mind, trying to think of a friend. Did he have any others? Friends were hard to come by with his rudeness.
Then someone came to mind. Jack Lou. He ran all the way to Jack's house. ‘This'll show Bart!’ he thought. When Jack opened the door, his eyes traveled up and down Jerry.
"What happened to you? You look beaten black-and-blue."
"Whatever, yeah, great," Jerry said as he entered the house. He went to Jack's room and told Jack to make a prank call. Jack dialed a number.
"Uh-oh, I dialed your house instead of my friend's, Matt. Let me try ag--"
He was cut off by a scream.
"He's killing me!" shouted a voice. . .like his mother. He listened. Nothing. Dead. The line was dead. He hoped his mother wasn't, too.
He rushed home, but at the door he realized it. Bart and his mom made the scary phone call. They were wacko to be that obsessed. He calmly walked in the door.
His mom screamed, "JERRY! RUN!" as a man loomed over her.
As the man rapidly came to him, Jerry realized it wasn't a prank call.